


Jesus Saves

by Acrystar



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-12-31 20:42:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acrystar/pseuds/Acrystar
Summary: While Daryl is at the mercy of Saviors, Carl meets Negan, but Jesus follows him closely. When he realizes that Daryl is being held in the camp, he uses his ninja techniques to save him. (Jesus is the one to help Daryl escape)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Non-English Speaker, so please if you see any error feel free to say it, it's my second story in English!

This song again, and again… he knows what they want to do, he knows really well. However, they'll lose, because, in this little game, he's a master. They can leave him naked for days and feeding him with dog food. He's a survivor, and he won't break because he is a Dixon. If he was born weak he would be dead long before the end of the world! So, they already have lost, but they didn't know it. Closing his eyes he inspires and lets his head drops into the concrete. Go ahead guys, sleep deprivation, malnourishment, mental and corporal abuse, Daryl had already face all of that shit. He'll be their dog if it means, one day, he can bite Negan to the jugular until death. He doesn't mind… Yeah, revenge is a dish best served cold…

He’s eight the first time it happens. A year after his mother's death, some month since his brother's runaway. This young Daryl is bleeding, teardrops all over his face and snot covering his lips. He prays for someone’s help, but no one will come, no one wants to come. Of course! Plus there is no direct neighborhood, no one to hear him cry or scream when his skin is teared up by his father’s violence. Anyway, no one would care… He is alone and bruised, and no one gives a shit about him. He drops his head, shame filling his eyes whenever his father yell his name. It’s the same in school. Looser, dork, good-for-nothing piece of shit… People are venomous with his name and blood, up to the other children and professors, even the right-minded Christian citizens… he hates them more than they hate him, so he grew up stronger, more capable, and more apt to carry their words, their disdain, and even their beating. He grew stronger until nothing couldn’t scratch him, nor their threat, nor their punch…

He opens his eyes, eats his dog food, but even if he looks likes shit, the sparks in his eyes are still there. They can do whatever they want, he won’t break, too bad for them!

Seeing Carl is disturbing, of course, he knows he looks like an animal, he looks like an abused dog, but he’s not dead, not inside. He can’t stand the sheer looks of horror he can grasp inside the boy’s eyes. He knows, he doesn’t look good, but it’s not as bad as it seems... Not that bad… He’s alive, yeah still alive. But he cannot think about it further cause he senses it. This ghostly presence… Something clicks into his mind, like a 6th sense. Jesus is here. For the first time since they enslaved him like a dog, the wild animal in him is awake, and all his cells, all his hairs are in alert. He knows the guy is here, even if he doesn’t see him, even if he can’t see him! He knows… Something cracks into his fogged brain, as he is hauled somewhere. Is he here for him?

He can't close his eyes, he can’t concentrate! He can’t be still, cause Jesus is somewhere, and all Daryl wants, is to be free! He wants the guy to take him somewhere else… somewhere safe! It’s the first time he looks at himself as a prey, like what he is now, an abused mind and body who seeks only for someone, someone to grab. Some human contact other than beating and violence. He cries because his mind cannot find peace after this though, can Jesus really be here for him? To save him?  
He doubts, yeah, can he escapes for real? Could he? He may be tough, he may not be totally broke, but he isn’t the Daryl they have known anymore. Maybe he can learn back to be him, but for now, he isn’t this guy anymore. Still, he isn’t dead. Nah! Inspire, expire… Daryl is still here, as proof, he has sensed Jesus’ presence, while no one in Negan’s group had detected him.  
Yeah, he is still himself, he just needs time to regain his strength and his mind back. Maybe he’ll need help, for sure he’ll need help, cause all here was suffering and loneliness. Alone with his mind, with his memories, worst, with Glenn's dead body as his only companionship! His more haunting fault… Maybe he is crazy, he must be, but he is alive, not totally broken and not totally sane either and he needs to flee before it’s too late!

Someone is behind the door, he knows it. The person is dead silent in every move, every step... like a cat, like a shadow… His heartbeat is now faster, faster than he never remembers it was. It’s him!  
He can’t stop his palms to touch the icy cold door, the only rampart that held him prisoner. He wants to speak, but he cannot; if he does, he is sure he will break forever… His head lingers on the hard metal like it was another human being. He can picture the man standing behind it. His long hair, a heated golden brown in which he wants to lose his fingers. His strange blue maybe green eyes that can pierce through any minds, that can read him, moreover now, that he is some kind of empty shell.

Daryl wasn’t a man to call for help, he wasn’t a man to think about himself as a damsel in distress! He never think of himself like a man who needs a caring hand to grab, until now!  
He hears the door unlock, he saw the little sheet of paper slipped under the door. And now he needs time. Time to think if he can do it, if it’s not too late to save him.  
It wasn’t too late. Nah! He’s not himself anymore, but he is still alive, so he pushes the door open and sprints into the corridor to the nearest exit!  
It’s strange to be outdoor, he nearly can’t stand the luminosity of the sun as they had keep him locked in his cage almost all the time. It’s strange to ride a bike with Jesus in his back, but he feels safe for the first time since he met Negan. He needs to stay strong, strong 'til Hilltop, after that, he’ll try to heal!


	2. Chapter 2

He thanks Jesus for pushing him far away from the people that are greeting him back, he’s not strong enough to look into Maggie’s eyes nor to speak with anyone. Jesus’ arms pull him to the far west of the Hilltop community and push him into a prefabricated one-room apartment for him to take a good rest.  


He can’t stay upright, he is still bowing his head and does it every single time he sees another human being. He fidgets for nothing. When someone tries to speak to him or when someone calls his name, he has the strange feeling someone takes away his air… He can’t stand being out there!  
He is not himself anymore. When he was still Daryl, he loved more than anything else to be alone in the wild, now he cannot even step outside his prefabricated apartment without having some kind of panic attack. How can he rebuild himself? He doesn’t know… but for sure someone knows how to. He just needs time, space, and maybe, he’ll have the courage to ask for help. But for now, he needs food, water, new clothes, some good shower and a good real sleep!

-Hey?”

It’s Jesus. Daryl tries to understand what the guy is doing, but he is still half asleep. He needs time to understand what’s going on. He’s sweating. He is still edgy into his sheets. He seems to just have had a nightmare. Maybe he had screamed because his throat is sore… so sore… In front of the piercing gaze of Paul, he seems so helpless, so broken… He cannot keep going on like that, like nothing happened, as these months of abused were past him. He cannot… because they are not!

-Hush, that’s ok.”

Daryl cannot find his breath for he’s panicking; even worse, he’s now crying like the abused little boy who had wished, a long time ago, for someone to help him! Never had he think he’ll encounter that feeling in his life as an adult. Daryl isn’t used to heavy feelings like this anymore. He almost thought he wouldn’t be able to feel again because nothing was left about this boy bleeding on the floor next to his father’s belt. Well, maybe not… When Jesus’ hands grab his hair, Daryl closes his eyes and lets it go, all his feelings, all his loneliness, and all his suffering. He lets them go away, crying like an injured animal in Jesus’ tight embrace. 

It’s so good to feel after these weeks or months of loneliness, so strange too. Partly because he never found his place in someone else’s arms. But that's ok because it’s Jesus and if he must choose someone from Hilltop or Alexandria to put all the trust that is left in him, he’ll choose this guy no matter what. For the reason that Jesus is trustworthy! So it’ ok, ok to let him shush his pain, also ok to let him touch. Moreover, it’s ok to like it when Jesus’ palms caress his skin. Because he needs this contact so much, so, so much! Each stroke is reassuring, each time those big palms close themselves on his body are welcomed even craved for. Yeah… maybe Daryl will never be himself again, but that’s ok because Jesus won’t harm him. Paul would never do that, he’s sure about this fact!

-I’ll take care of you, Daryl. That’s ok.”

And Daryl trusts every word he speaks. So he closes his eyes, locks his fingers in Jesus’ clothes and tries to find a way for coming back home. He won’t be allowed to be a lost dog for long, not in this world or he'll die!

When he opens his eyes, he finds himself still in Jesus’ tight embrace. The guy is still lulling him, whispering some kind of lyrics into his hair while he caresses his right shoulder. Daryl seems to recognize the melody but before he can really try to figure out what the song was, Paul breaks the contact then sits next to him. Daryl is almost pained about losing what Paul had given to him, but it can't be helped.  
Daryl cannot face Jesus and his intense and piercing gaze, fearing Paul would see his envy to be still in his arms. He doesn’t want Paul to think he’s pathetic! 

As the silence grows bigger each second under this strange gaze, Daryl fidgets and turns his head to the short windows. He is now aware of the reddish colors of the sky. It must me dusk out there, so Paul had laid with him all day. It’s almost disturbing because thinking about this guy rhyme with action all day long. Nevertheless, Paul had stayed with him just to keep him safe, to be here to protect him from nightmares… He’s grateful for that.

-Are you ok?”  
-Not sure I’ll ever be ok again.”  
-I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier to free you.”  
-Wasn’t your fault.”  
-You know, I always admired you.”

Daryl tries to laugh, but he doesn’t have it in him, so the laugh breaks in his throat before coming out his vocal cords. Anyhow Paul's funny! He never looks at himself as someone that can be admired. And what can he be admired for? He’s not a hero -he hadn’t saved Glenn-, nor a ninja, like Paul! He’s just a useless redneck, nothing more, nothing less! He sighs, hoping he will not start crying because, once, he was helpful! But not anymore...

-Always so strong, so wild! Imperturbable and secretive… I like you, Daryl. So don’t worry, please. For now on, you are my responsibility ‘till the time you’ll be ok.” Paul is smiling to him, but it’s not teasing or disdainful, it’s just a fond sweet and friendly smile.  
-My hero…”

This time he can manage a chuckle. Jesus’ smile is soft, the guy inhales deeply before standing up then collects some things on the kitchen counter. He doesn’t push anymore, Daryl is glad about this because he needs some space.

-I’ll go find something to eat, I’ll be back soon.”  
-You don’t have to…”  
-Oh yeah, I have to. Don’t worry, I’ve got you, babe!”

Daryl’s eyes go up when Paul sings this old tune he hates so much, but nonetheless his lips are cracking a smile when Paul closes the door behind him. It’ll ease his uneasiness if Paul keeps his happy and funny side with him, even now, as he is only a piece of shit… Daryl is thinking about Michonne, Carl, Rick, and Aaron, he hopes everything is ok for Maggie and Glenn’s baby, too, because he still can’t think about speaking to her even if she lives here too.  
For now, he cannot do anything for them until he’s back to himself and healing will takes time! He doesn't want to go out of the sheets in which lingers Paul's scent. When he closes his eyes Daryl wonders if he already slept in the same bed as another human being and Merle doesn't count at all!  
When Paul is back, Daryl just finished his shower. He needed it! Emptiness, concrete floor and cold don’t help you to keep good health… anyway, warm water always helps when every muscle of your body are rock hard.

-I’m pretty sure you know I’m gay, don’t you?”  
-Yeah, why you ask?” Daryl frowns looking to the guy who is turning his back to him like he was nervous or something.  
-Just to be sure you didn’t forget…”

Why Paul is bringing this topic now? Ok, he’s mostly naked but for God’s sake, he’s not some guy you can fantasize on. He’s just a regular redneck, not the attractive type of guy like his comrade.

-Speaking ‘bout that how’s Aaron?”  
-Last time I saw him, he was visiting Maggie and the unborn. He jumps here now and then, just to make sure we take good care of her. So, he’s ok, don’t worry. Just to know… Is there something between the two of you?” Suddenly Paul turns over to him, his gaze is intense and reads all his movements. Daryl feels really uneasy in front of him and covers his body rapidly before responding in a harsh tone.  
-Are you crazy? The guy’s almost married to Eric! Just to remind you.”  
-Well, as he’s the first you make inquiries for, I was wondering…”  
-Just a friend. If you want to try your luck with him, I’m pretty sure you’ll be declined.”  
-Not interested in him, even if he’s… some kind of good-looking man… he’s not my type.”

Really? So why does he ask? Strangely Paul is not looking to him anymore, Daryl puts his t-shirt on, scrutinizing Paul’s back because the guy is now too indifferent… Daryl’s not sure what’s going on but for now, it’s the last of his thoughts. There is food on the table and that’s all that matters!  
After a good meal, Daryl locks his eyes with Paul struggling to gather his attention because Paul is trying too hard to give his attention to anything else but him in the room! When the guy straighten his back when he clicks his tongue to catch his attention, Daryl frowns.

-You won’t leave me alone, will you?”  
-You know… it’s my place… are you trying to put me out of my own room?”

Wait? What? Daryl is now looking at his surroundings with attention, the room is well organized, almost cozy nothing like the mostly empty room he had. How did he not realize he’s not in the room he has been taken when he had arrived at Hilltop two days ago? It seems Paul had brought him to his own room after his last panic attack… Maybe he really needs it, but he’s not really ok with that either. He’s not sure why he’s now uncomfortable in front of Jesus, maybe it’s because he failed to leave on his own and now he will need the undivided attention of the man... Part of it, is surely the realization he will now leave in the same room as a gay guy. He was never uncomfortable with Aaron but he never had to sleep in the same bed as the guy, nor he had to clothe and unclothe with him behind his back!

-I won’t try anything Daryl, scout honor!” Daryl grimaces when Paul smiles to him with this strange unbashful poker face. He’s not sure he’s toying with him or the thought of it makes Paul sick. He's not even sure if he should be upset if that's the case.  
-Were you actually a scout?”  
-Never… I hated those things. But don’t worry, I will not hit on you! Well, until you ask nicely.” The smile is predatory but it doesn’t last long because the guy is now laughing as if he was kidding. Daryl really wants to know what Jesus was badly hiding. Anyway, he cannot ask because Paul is approaching him all flirtatious.  
-You're a bastard.”  
-Oh cut it off, I know you like this perfect body of mine, I’m so gorgeous!”  
-Yeah… yeah… sure! Whatever you say…”

Jesus’ eyes are sharp, searching for something in his uneasiness. Suddenly, the golden-brown haired guy with his ninja movements is standing motionless in front of him because Daryl has jumped when he had approached like his plan was to straddle his thighs. With this guy all is possible!  
His piercing blue eyes are now dead serious, Daryl is astonished to see his ease to change suddenly his composure. It’s really difficult to know what’s going on in his brain, that’s why he’s more and more embarrassed with the guy.

-Actually, if you want to change room partner, just say it, I’ll find someone else. For now, you cannot be left on your own, I’m pretty sure you’re aware of that fact. So yeah, maybe you’ll prefer a girl taking care of you, like Sasha. Or another man that doesn’t proclaim himself as gay… We’re not trying to confine you, Daryl, you are free to do what you want, when you want it, however, you cannot go back to Alexandria now. I’m sure they’ll search there first and eventually they’ll come here after that. That’s why when you’ll be in better shape I’ll take you to the Kingdom, you’ll be safe there.” Eyes really dead serious, but Jesus' face is unreadable. Daryl thinks about the proposition, but he doesn’t want to be left with some stranger, even a with Sasha!  
-Ok. It’s… ok, I mean, leaving here for some days.”  
-Good. If you need anything, anything, I’m here to serve… so don’t shit in your pants and ask me whatever you want or need, moreover tell me when you’ll want a piece of me!” He winks like he takes pleasure in making him uncomfortable. The guy licks his lips twice like he wanted to say something else but he thinks otherwise because Jesus stops speaking and goes back into the kitchen bench.  
-I hate you… I think I’ll take up your proposition of changing my roommate!”  
-Too late, my dear, you had your chance. And by the way… I’m pretty sure you won’t find another pillow guy this easily.” 

Ok… why did he think he would be safe with this guy? Why on Earth Daryl wanted this guy to take care of him? He totally forgot Jesus had this playful side and it's annoying when he toys with him like a real jerk! Anyway, he still trusts the guy with his life, so for now, he’ll leave here and bear with his infuriating room-mate. Even if it means leaving in the same tiny room and sleep in the same bed with a gay guy. At least, he forgot about his insecurities, about his fears, even about Glenn’s body, so maybe Jesus is a good choice!


	3. Chapter 3

-Wake up babe. I’ve got scavenge to do, I don’t want to leave you but orders are orders. Maggie will keep an eye on you or Sacha if you prefer.”  
-It's okay… When will you come back?” Daryl scrubs his eyes trying to figure what time is it, but the sun hadn’t risen and he cannot clearly see Paul’s face.  
-Aw, you miss me already? It’s so sweet… I’ll be sure to be back tomorrow morning. So wait for me okay?” Paul pats his head, he just grunts as a response because he really wants to punch the guy right into his pretty face. Jesus knows how to get on his nerves but Daryl only allows himself to exhale deeply before wishing the guy to drop dead right now for his peace of mind! He turns his back to Paul and goes back into his dreamless sleep. Before Paul’s departure, he’s pretty sure he felt the guy’s lips on his forehead and he doesn't know how to feel about that!

It’s irritating because Daryl is pacing into Jesus’ room and he cannot find the courage to go outside. He can’t open the door without freaking up by seeing open space in front of his eyes. It’s frustrating, really, and the bastard he waits for is nowhere to be seen. And it’s almost noon! He’s on the verge to go completely insane when Jesus is back, but Daryl cannot shout all his anger about his worries, cause Jesus' eyes are totally empty. There is always something in them, always a spark of joy or a glint of teasing, so Daryl is totally quiet and his anxiety is reaching a painful limit when Jesus groans when he closes the door.

-Are you ok?”  
-Just a little scratch, I was carefree.”

Daryl reaches for the long black coat, helping Jesus out of it. The guy is stiff when he moves his right arm and that’s because of the blood that stained his shirt. Worry makes difficult to Daryl to breath correctly, but under the shirt, there is only a cut and it's not that bad. Anyway, Jesus seems to suffer from it. If Daryl were himself he could have gone with him, but he’s not. So he was here, helpless and Jesus was alone. Before Daryl could blame himself, Paul knocks his head with his left hand and gives him his best flirtatious smile.

-Honey, I’m good it's just a scratch. I had far more worst wounds before that, and I may have others after that. But I swear it only makes me sexier, don’t you think so?”  
-Don’t play dumb, please. I should have gone with you.”  
-Don’t push yourself, you’re not ready to go out.”  
-But…”  
-I’m ok Daryl…”

Why is he crying in front of Paul? He needs to get his emotions under control but it was too much for him in a day! Worrying about Jesus being late, trying to gather the courage to just put a foot outdoor and be left alone all the day with Glenn's screams and Negan’s words for his only company was really too much!

-I know it’s not the right time to say that, but I may have no more other opportunities before a very long time. So please, don’t freak out, okay?”  
-What are…”  
-I think I’m jealous of Aaron. Because if I were him, I would completely go for you. You know, you're a good boyfriend material… Well if you were interested in men in the first place. I’m not so sure about this, cause you seemed really close with the blondie girl, what was her name already…”

Wait… what? Daryl searches for the joke, but there is none. Jesus is patching his wound cautiously, speaking freely like this was the most normal thing to say! Daryl doesn’t know how to react to that. He can’t speak, can’t think… He must be kidding!

-Carol?”  
-What about Carol?” The name startles him enough for him to be able to speak again.  
-Is she your girl?”  
-My… what?”  
-Are you engaged with blondie? Is it a difficult question?”  
-I’m… why everyone thinks I’m in love with her or anything stupid like that. No. Never. Not under any circumstance! I was an abused child, she was an abused wife, point! That’s the only thing we have in common. It was just nice to find someone to speak about those things freely.”  
-So, you’re single? Free and all?”  
-Why… you ask?” It should be simple to understand why, but Daryl cannot realize what's going on now.  
-Maybe when you’ll get better, I’ll ask you out, if you’re not opposed to… gay things. You know.”  
-Are you kidding me?”  
-No. As I said, it’s not the best time. I fucking know it. But I wanted you to be aware that I’m interested, in any case, you could be interested too. That being said… I’ll go get some food.”  
-Wait… are you really not fooling me right now?”  
-Why would I?” His gaze is freaking cold, but that's not from anger because Daryl knows this gaze, he has the same when he's uncomfortable. So… Paul is genuine…

Okay, maybe he’s really broken right now, maybe he never escapes his hole in the first place, because this guy cannot say things like that to his face when he looks like shit and can’t even go outside without shitting his pants! But if it’s real, if he’s not hallucinating or dreaming about this in the shitty cell of the Saviors, he has a really big problem right now! And the big problem is the really fact that he doesn’t know what to say! A guy is interested in him? Yeah! Cool! Not sure he wanted to know it in the first place!  
He must be really broken, because he didn’t saw Paul going out of the room, nor the guy coming back with the stew. Daryl’s in the same spot he was left and Paul is now worrying about his lack of reactions.

-Do you want me to leave?”  
-No…”  
-So we are ok?”  
-Yeah…”  
-I’m sorry, didn’t wanted to make you feel uneasy. You put your trust in me, I wanted to be perfectly clear with you. But as I said, I won’t hit on you. No matter what. I respect you, babe, so for now, I’ll take care of you until you can kick my ass to heaven.”

Daryl closes his eyes when Paul's fingertips brush his cheeks and neck, he wants to melt in the touch, wants to… feel and it’s fucking perfect when he offered his neck for more contact. Jesus accepts to keep touching him and now his knuckles are lost into his hair, the contact on his scalp makes him tremble and crumble for good. He’s in Jesus' arms before he thinks about it twice and his lips want nothing more than kissing Paul who refuses any contact he tries.

-Not a good idea, even if I want it too…”  
-Don’t give a shit…”  
-You will! Daryl, you will… I don’t want this to be just a way to make you feel whole again. If you want something like that, go find another guy. I’m not interested in a one-night stand with you.”

Maybe he can understand that. Sure he can understand that! But what he thinks and what he wants are two completely different things. However, Paul’s right, sleeping with a guy, now, is a very bad idea, even if he trusts Paul with his life. He cannot take the risk to give all his will to another person. Not now. He's not ready to face that. Anyhow Daryl was right, Paul will never hurt him, so he smiles to the guy’s face, fondling his long glossy golden-brown hair. How Jesus can keep them this clean and this smooth? He has no idea. But that’s a good thing because he loves them, he finds solace in them. When Paul’s beard brushes his cheek, he finds himself attracted to the citrus scent coming from his companion’s hair. Yeah, maybe he can fuck with a guy if it’s this guy! Anyway, for now, all he needs is to feel safe and there is no other person in this world he wants the help of.

-Sorry… wasn’t really thinking rightfully. I always trusted you, since the first time we met. Well, you’re a fucking slithery ninja but you’re an honest guy and you just prove it. Thanks. Not sure why you think I can worth any feelings from you, moreover now, but I’m glad you trust me with that.”  
-But?”  
-Nah, that’s all. I cannot think of another person I can confide in, another person I would share this part of me with. That’s all.”  
-Not even Blondie?”  
-My God. I can’t let her see this broken guy, she’s so much stronger than me on this part.”  
-You know, I’m not sure I would have been able to endure all that shit without submitting for good.”  
-You’re stronger than this…”  
-I wish. So are you done with sniffing my hair or is it the only way you can think of, for letting me know I’m so damn gorgeous!”  
-Sure you are. But don’t let that goes into your pretty head, gorgeous.”  
-Oh my! I’m in heaven now. Can you be my bride?”  
-No way, you’re the one with citrus long hair…”

When Paul laughs, hands warped around his thighs, his stubble scratch his left check and it’s comfy. He’s not uncomfortable anymore to be this close with a gay guy. It’s a good thing Jesus had come to find him, even if he was following Carl in the first place. Daryl kisses him under the ear, pleased to see his partner shuddering when he does so. Yeah, maybe, he can learn to love someone even a guy, as he already trusts Paul way beyond all he already had given to someone else’s credit.

-Will you come with me?”  
-Where? To the kingdom?”  
-Yeah… wherever you want to take me…”  
-Beware of the words you use with me, babe. I would be happy to take you wherever you want… or whenever you want!”  
-Please stop being a jerk, you’re the girl I won’t be taken by anyone!”  
-Even me?”  
-Go die now…”

For now, he refuses to think otherwise, if he really can lay in bed with a guy he's still not ready to think of being anywhere else than on top. Yeah… maybe Daryl is not the same anymore but he is still breathing, he still trusts, he still can stands up and looks someone in the eyes, he’s still strong and fierce… He sees nothing wrong being fragile in front of Jesus, nothing wrong crying or wanting someone else’s help as long as it's with Paul's company…

-I can be a good teacher, you know.”  
-So stop talking and kiss me already, I won’t break from a gay kiss.”  
-You sure? I don’t want to be the big bad gay assaulting your shy virgin mouth!”

How did he knows? Daryl frowns. That’s something he never speaks of, even with Carol! He never likes to be touched by someone else apart from his brother and Carol. He never wanted to kiss someone nor share any body-warm or anything like that with a girl nor a boy! He doesn’t think of himself as a virgin as he’s not a saint, even if he never had done things with someone else. Jesus must have figured it out. Maybe because he's fidgeting when he’s being touched by someone or maybe it’s really clear in his body language. Nonetheless, he’s sending to Paul a dark-looking stare that makes him laugh out loud.

-To be frank, I wasn’t so sure about that part… you’re pretty hard to read, babe. But that’s okay, I’m a good teacher.”  
-I’m no virgin, ok?”  
-Sure, you’re not anymore…”  
-What?”

It’s strange having another guy's tongue in his mouth. Daryl is frozen on place, not sure what to do nor what to concede to this conqueror. He contemplates those icy cold blue eyes sparkling with enjoyment, he’s concentrating on the fingers cherishing the base of his neck, but when another hand tries slithering under his shirt, Daryl push back his corrupted friend with a smile.

-Thief…”  
-I am… always was. I’ll treasure it, I promise. Your virginity is more precious than any diamonds I robbed before the world end…”  
-Will you stop with this word?!”  
-Don’t get mad, babe, I love you anyway!”


	4. Chapter 4

Daryl’s not sure if Paul had the authorization to come with him to the Kingdom, but it’s the last of his worry! For now, he needs him, for now, he doesn’t want them to be apart! So, after the first Savior’s raid in Hilltop, Jesus and him had packed their things and took the path to the Kingdom.  
He had needed all his will for not laughing out loud when he saw Ezekiel the first time. What’s wrong with this community? They are so strange, no scratch that, weirdos would be the best word! Since they are no threat. Sure they all act as medieval role-player freaks but they are fine… If Jesus says they are friendly, he’s fine with them, even if they believe in their own fairy-tales. Anyway like his… friend or maybe boyfriend thought, Ezekiel had accept Jesus' request thus they now are under the King's protection. Saviors were not allowed inside the Kingdom’s walls for a really good reason, though. Since most of the citizens, here, don’t know about them and the way they rule their lands! 

First days had been a little difficult to adapt, mostly because their new room is much more bigger than the one in Hilltop plus there is a big garden/farm inside the Kingdom that needed to be crossed each time he’s going to see Ezekiel. Frankly, Daryl is glad Jesus had decided to stay with him, for he’s not sure how he could have dealt with the days he has an audience with Ezekiel. Even if Jesus does nothing but walk at his pace, or stop and shield him when someone tries to speak with him, knowing he’ll be there, eases him and helps him a lot!

For now, he's unable to help. He tries, but he had a panic attack the first day he assisted the farmer girls to dig the earth. Jesus and Ezekiel say he doesn’t need to push himself but Daryl needs to find a way to help, to contribute in anything he can do. So for now, he’s Ezekiel's new adviser for he saw the Savior’s routine as close as possible. Astonishingly, he loves Ezekiel’s company, so he can stay hours and hours in his company speaking about Atlanta, the CDC’s scientific researcher, the prison and the war with the Governor, Terminus and their crazy cannibals or Alexandria. As he teaches the King how the world is going behind the closed doors of the Kingdom, he keeps his eyes locked with Jesus who’s the new martial arts trainer of the court. Saviors means anything would change eventually and the black guy with dreadlocks isn’t a fool to think problems would remain as far as possible from his people. Citizens of the Kingdom aren’t soldiers nor as tough as Rick’s group, but some of them would gladly die for their King and for protecting their community.

It’s really easy to be accepted in the Kingdom, people are nice and discreet, when they understood he had some problems with socializing, they leave him be. Sometimes a girl sends him a smile or kids pop up to say ‘hi’, but everyone tries their best to ease his stay.

-You have some really good success with the girls, babe… Do I need to pee on you to mark my territory?”  
-Yeah, try that and you’ll sleep on the floor.”  
-You ok?” Jesus is frowning, his gaze pierces him like he's trying to read his mind and the guy does it more and more without saying a single word.  
-Yeah… It’s good to be outdoor and feel… safe. Even if it’s because you are never too far away.”  
-As I said, I’ll take care of you ‘till you’re good. Want to fool around? I’m so bored…”  
-Sure…”  
-Beware, Daryl, you’re intoxicated with me…”  
-I don’t mind.”

Daryl stands up, leaving the wood he was carving into a toy shape, to lean into Jesus' arms. He’s not actually sure where he really wants to go with Paul, but he’s now totally fine to be seen in his arms. He still doesn’t like to be kissed in public but Paul’s touch is tolerable even if people see them.

-Want to hunt with us?”

A tall blond guy disturb their peacefulness, speaking to Paul who’s smiling at the proposition. Anyway, he refuses to leave Daryl behind and the redneck is still far away from being able to leave the gates, but Daryl pats his shoulder.

-Go ahead, I’m gonna pay her a visit.”  
-You really love her! I’m deeply, so deeply hurt! How can you prefer her to your perfect boyfriend?”  
-I don’t know…”

He needs some time to accept this word, that’s why he is chickening away from Paul’s arms and starts to rush to the throne room. It’ll be the first time since their arrival in the community they’ll be apart for some hours, even apart from eyesight. That could be a good thing, if he can bear Jesus' absence it’ll prove he’s healing…

He can stay hours and hours with the King’s tiger, sure, but was Jesus joking when he says he prefers the wild beast to his… friend maybe boyfriend? He hopes so because if he’s drawn to the beast, it’s only because he thinks he’s like her.  
A lost wild beast depending on the only guy in this world that was here to help her, loving this guy even if it means living in a cage for the rest of her life, trusting this guy to keep her in good health, or even ok to die for him… Yeah, Daryl looks into her eyes, and they are the same. That’s why in front of Ezekiel’s astonished eyes, he puts his palm between the bars and caress her head with fondness. Because it could be worst, she could be abused by someone, neglected, molested till there is no more spark of life in her eyes. Maybe they are lost, but they found someone to trust in and that’s the most important part of their fate.

So why is he running away? It’s not like he can blame it on his past or Merle, because Daryl is in peace with him. Merle would not like Paul, that’s the fucking truth, first because Paul is gay, secondo because Paul is a Latino. On the other hand, there is a possibility Merle would have accepted him because Paul is strong, he’s a survivor like them and he doesn’t give a shit of what has to be done to protect and help, moreover Paul is loyal. Yeah, Daryl is pretty sure Merle wouldn’t be mad if he knew. Hence what’s bothering him?


	5. Chapter 5

Paul may leave him if he thinks Daryl isn’t ok being with him. Maybe he’s already taking into consideration the possibilities he may have here, with Ezekiel’s people… There are some nice good-looking men here, it’s even possible that some of them are interested in guys, even into Paul. Daryl sighs, what can he do? He likes being with Paul, sure, but each kisses they share in their bedroom were initiated by his devious friend. Some time Daryl chastises them because he’s shy or not in the mood but sometimes he melts in them, wanting nothing more than being fucked… Daryl thinks he’ll break into tears if he keeps on thinking about that, so he offers a tender smile to the tiger, rubbing her fur when a certain person suddenly appears in his back.

-I tough you followed blond guy…”  
-Have better here… I didn’t know you were the cuddly type of guy? Want me to rub something on you?”  
-Depending what you have in this debauched mind of yours…”  
-Wherever you want, whenever you want, ask my precious babe and I’ll oblige…”  
-Oh God, don’t speak like him! Having a king Lear here is already disturbing…”  
-I can be your Romeo, what do you think?”  
-Maybe she’s hungry... I’m pretty sure you’ll do a good meal!”  
-Ok… I’ll be your Juliet! Oh Romeo, Romeo, why are you Romeo, forget your name and…”  
-Will you shut up?”

He’ll never say it out loud, but he likes it when Paul’s babbling for nothing or when he’s flirting with him. And those few words were enough for his feelings to be back in control. Maybe he’s not ready to heal without him nearby, there is no shame in it because he likes his golden-brown haired friend. Daryl wants to feel his hands in the small of his back, just the thought of it makes his skin burning with anticipation, but Jesus keeps some frustrating inches between them.  
As Jesus chose him, as he’s speaking with him with the same light tone he used to, Daryl thinks it’s not as bad as he thought. Of course, he needs to find answers to his questions but Jesus is not mad about his fears concerning their relationship. Maybe they need to speak about it, but Daryl has no clue how to vocalize all his thoughts about them.

-You know, only Ezekiel can tame her, she already tries to have her way with me, unfortunately, with her fangs and teeth…”  
-We’re the same, that’s why it’s okay with me, right?”

The big cat stands her head, presenting her chin to Daryl’s hand and he happily rubs her as Jesus does the same thing with his neck. Finally, Jesus is touching him and it’s nice. Daryl closes his eyes, exhales all his doubts about being with Paul because his own body seems to want the guy, to need the guy and fucking loves the guy as his skin burns with passion and goosebumps hurtles toward his loin.

-Will you purr for me, babe?”  
-Go to hell!”  
-I love you.”

It was fucking perfect, but Jesus needed to say this word! All the previous pleasure left his body, leaving behind it a solid rock hole into his mind. Daryl doesn’t want to acknowledge the word, he can’t! Knowing it and listening to it are two completely different things! Now anxiety is bubbling inside his torso because he can’t lose Paul! If it happens, if the guy thinks twice about all their shit, Daryl would never forgive himself! He cannot let this word disappear like that like he doesn’t care or doesn’t share anything! So he puts a hand on Paul’s one, the right one, whose arm like a snake, had circled his abdomen keeping him close to his friend’s torso.

-Just to be clear, I’ll never say that word, love means nothing to me, love is shit and like shit, it happens and vanishes without a sign… trust is for life, for the best and for the worst. So I’ll never love you, Paul. I already trust you, but I’ll trust you more and more, till I’ll have nothing more left to give you. But if I find a good reason to take all of this trust back, it'll be without a way back. Trust is only once, so don’t kill it, cause that’s all I have to give.”  
-I’ll better kill myself…”  
-Maybe you’ll need to do it now before I cut your balls if your hand still goes south like that!”  
-Oh sorry, it’s wasn’t intentional…”  
-Sure, you’re a saint!”  
-As saint as you… dear…”  
-I don’t try to touch guy’s dicks intentionally!”  
-Me neither, just trying to touch your dick Daryl, yours only!”  
-Go fuck yourself.”  
-I can. I already tried it! Not that bad for something solo… But if you want to look it could be better…”  
-Shit, I don’t want to know!”

When they are like that, he can picture them in the future, bitching and toying happily like that till the end of time. He can picture them this close without angst nor fear. Does he really likes the guy, even loves him? Or is it the Savior’s abused dog who’s seeking for someone, even if it means flirting with him for never being alone again? That can’t be true. He cares. He cares so much it hurts because he doesn’t want to hurt Paul’s feelings.

-Sorry I run away…”  
-Don’t worry. I know I push too much. I have the superpower of saying everything that goes through my mind. But be reassured, I’m shitting my pants too because I really love you and if I fuck this up, I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life.”  
-I’m so… broken.” Daryl leaves the soft fur to turn and face the blue maybe green gaze of Paul.  
-You’ll heal. Haven’t you see all the progress you’ve made?” His pal is smiling fondly, Paul is so dead serious.  
-Because of you… Only because of you.” He really tries to stand the stare but he shies away fearing Paul's analyze because sometimes the guy knows better than him all his thoughts. He just needs to trust him a little more before trying to express his feelings, just a little more and he would…

His cage is not in iron bars, they are flesh and blood, they are arms keeping him safe in a tight embrace. But Daryl is not a tiger, he’s not imprisoned for other people's safety, he is bound to Paul for his own safety, cause sometimes, he needs him. Sometimes he’s weak and needs someone trustworthy for not using it against him. It’s good to know, when he wakes up feeling like an abused dog, that there is someone here to makes him feel better and worthwhile, someone to shush him and to save him.


	6. Chapter 6

Daryl hides his face in the crock of Jesus’ neck, he kisses the skin here before locking his eyes with Paul’s. If Ezekiel hadn’t spoken, they would have probably kissed right there forgetting everything else. Leaving these delicate blue eyes is difficult, but when his attention meets Carol's sharp gaze, he escapes Jesus’ arms in a fluid movement. It’s like being caught by his mother and he’s not sure how to react in front of her. Her lips purse in a knowing movement but her sharp eyes keep looking Jesus like she wanted to kill him right now. Daryl doesn’t want to speak about it, he takes Paul's left hand and pulls him out the throne room to their bedroom.

-Does she have a problem with me?”  
-Yeah, sure, she’s a mother hen! I’m pretty sure she knows what they have done to me…” Daryl is mad and he doesn’t know why.  
-I won’t use that against you, does she think this less of me?”  
-No men prove her to be trustful enough.” That’s real and maybe he thinks the same. Well, no, forget it! He trusts Aaron but the guy is mostly a new brother for him!  
-Even you?”  
-I’m a victim, like her.”

This word, this only word... He never uses it to define himself and it’s more pertinent now, after what Negan and the Saviors have done to him. Of course, yes, he is a victim and realizing this, is torturing. He’s on the verge of crying when Paul grabs his face and kisses his lips like there will be no tomorrow. He doesn’t care about his lack of knowledge about kissing, he doesn’t care about his moans, nor if his body is suddenly hot and trembling, revealing a need of Paul’s attention.

-I’ve got you… babe.”  
-Don’t…” His grip on Paul’s biceps must be painful, but he can’t let him go.  
-Trust me… I’ll always be there!”  
-Promise.”  
-Until I’m a dead man, I’ll be there for you, no matter what, no matter how. I’ll kick ass, I’ll kill dead, undead or bloody living for you.”

It’s so good when he’s saying these words close to his skin toward his pulse, each word reverberates through his body to his loin. Daryl groans opening his thighs, he wants it. He wants Paul right now, right there but the golden-brown haired forces them apart without listening to his supplications.

-I know…”  
-Fucking shit, don’t make me beg!”  
-Not like that Daryl. Beg me if you want, I’ll give you nothing. You’re not my dog, you’re no one’s dog. And if you trust me this much, you should know I’m right. I’m always right when it comes to you…”  
-Wish sometimes you’re wrong…” He’s so weak right now, he had to turn his face to the wall for not crying because of the rejection.  
-Daryl… I want you, I fucking want to bend you on this table and fuck you till the world ends…”  
-Oh, fuck…” Closing his eyes, he can picture it, part of him loves that, wants that but he wonders if he can allow himself to accept it completely without destroying the man, he once was…  
-I want to hear you scream my name when you’ll come without even touching your shaft, and then, I’ll teach you what a real orgasm is, a dry strong one, so strong you’ll collapse into my arms, so strong you’ll never wish to have any other sort of orgasms beside this one. And fuck Daryl, I’ll learn to you how to do it to me, you will know that I like to be shoved in the nearest wall and I like my mate thrusting in me like I’m totally theirs. You’ll love my voice when you’ll ram my prostate with your dick. You’ll milk me like that and breed me till you’ll be too old to do it. You’ll discover that I have pretty much no taboo when it comes to consensual sex between two guys even three if you changed your mind about Aaron… I love any kind of sexual fantasies, any kind… unless you’re into blood play or scat, I’m fine with everything else! So whatever you want to try, whatever you will need, I’ll do it. But I won’t listen to your needs when you’re like shit, ok? Heal, Daryl… Sex cannot do that, even good sex. This is not gonna be the way you’ll hide your problems. Not with me…”  
-Not hiding…” He’s as aroused as shied about his own thoughts, maybe he’s not ready to speak about this topic right now. It was the need speaking, Jesus was right, but he is not hiding.  
-Really? Aren’t you freaking about you being a victim?”  
-Yeah… and it’s not gonna happen another time! I really thought they couldn’t make worse than my father… but they have done so. He beats me to pulp more than once. How many times had I cried on the floor in my own blood? But each time I grew stronger, each time I learned how to deal with the pain. Yeah, was abused, and maybe I would be another man if I wasn’t, maybe I could be like you, carefree, flirty and all, but that’s ok, I never missed being with someone, never. Was a loner and loved it. But when the world crumbled, I realized that being lonely and being a loner were two different things. Even with this new family, Rick, Glenn, Michonne, Carol and all, I liked my solitude. But what the Saviors have done to me… what they did to me was a whole new world for me. They didn’t use violence like I was used to, they try to demolish me and they took everything apart until I was left with only my will to survive… I’m not sure what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come, maybe I would be an empty shell, trying to please for anything or maybe I would be a slut for feeling something. But I’m not. You weren’t too late. Yeah, I’m not the same, like I’m not the same because of my father. But there is enough of my past self, for me to be ok with that, only if you’re the one to see these scars. I’m not ashamed anymore about my father’s marks, but no one but you, have the right to see what the Saviors have left in me because I know it can kill me into the wrong hands. I know… Don’t you think I don’t realize the days I just want to be used to feel? The days I want someone to beat me to a pulp just for my mind’s sake? The days I want to bow and submit completely to someone? I realize, Paul! I know that this part of me will grow if I leave it in any other hands than yours. I don’t give a shit if you see me like that, because I trust you. And I trust you to find a way to make me come back even if I shatter. I don’t mind being your bitch for a night if tomorrow I can be whole again if tomorrow you can look at me with the same eyes. Do you understand? If you can love this dog, I don’t mind being yours…”

He never left Jesus’ eyes, just to be sure he understood all he has to say, because he won’t say it again, he doesn’t want to! He has done a lot of introspection these last weeks, trying to find a way to keep being himself and he found only this idea as acceptable. The Saviors have done it, they succeed where his father had lost the battle but he won’t face this alone, cause Paul is right there to help him.

-You sure?” Paul’s eyebrows make a worry line when he looks into Daryl’s eyes. He was waiting for him to open up but he wasn’t expecting that…  
-Do I look like I take this easily? Do you think it’s easy to reveal you that’s the best I can find for not being totally helpless?”  
-Not what I mean, I mean, you sure you want me to see you like that?” It could change their relationship drastically, it could be the worst idea on Earth. If Daryl is worried about kissing outdoor, how can he faces him after being seen this vulnerable?  
-Will I disgust you?”  
-Never, no way… I want you to say it…”  
-Take care of me, Paul… cause I can’t do it alone. Please…”  
-Promise you’ll say it if you don’t want something I want.”  
-I promise… and… Paul, I’m pretty sure you’ll never want to do something to me I don’t want.”  
-Promise me you’ll stop me if it triggers you anything.”  
-I promise… if you do anything I don’t like, I’ll tell you and if it’s too much for my mind, I’m pretty sure you’ll know it before I do.”  
-Do you trust me this much?”  
-If I can’t trust you, then I better be dead.”  
-I forbid you to die not until you are too old or too ill for any other solution.”  
-I’ll try.” They smile at each other. With everything that was said, Paul is now confident. It’s for better or worse, it’s for life and he kisses the inside of Daryl left-handed wrist.  
-Oh my god, I love you so much Daryl, too bad I didn’t had the guts to tell you so sooner.”  
-Sooner would have been too soon for me to accept it.”


	7. Chapter 7

It’s ok when Paul pushes upward his shirt, it’s ok when Paul fingertips brush each of his scars, ok when his clothes fall on the cold ground. But it’s awfully wrong when the cold wall touches his back. He shudders and it’s from displeasure. Once, he shouldn’t have minded, but now is too soon or he won’t be able to stand it anymore, as a result, he pulls Paul face in front of his, to enlighten him about his next proposal.

-Bed… I can’t stand concrete and walls on my skin…”  
-Sorry.”  
-It’s ok, you’ll learn. It’s not fair if I’m the only one to be taught.”

They share a simple smile but a knock on the door and the girl opening it stops them. Daryl sighs but this time he doesn’t move from Paul's embrace, anyway, Carol already knows. He is annoyed when she looks at them as if Paul did something incredibly dishonest.

-Can I talk to you?”  
-Sure go ahead… He can listen.”  
-As you wish.”

The lady fidgets a little when she saw that Daryl didn’t wear any underwear when the pants fall to his thighs, so she turns her head to the window.

-Morgan told me where you were and in which condition you came back, I was afraid because when someone like us survives things like that, there is nothing left behind. I was waiting for my death 'cause I’m fed up to see people dying or suffering as I cannot do anything for them. I thought I could be tough as a rock, kill or be killed without harming myself but it was impossible. I’m not my husband, I can’t sleep with all this blood on my hands… But when Morgan said your name, suddenly the fire in me came back, I needed to come back here and be sure you were fine, as fine as we can after things like that… You’re the only person I still care for, Daryl, the only person I still love after all this shit… And I’m happy someone takes care of you, but Jesus... be sure I’ll kill you without thinking if you harm him. So for now, I’ll accept Ezekiel invitation to live here for some time. I’ll look forward to seeing if your foolish trust is a good idea, Daryl.”  
-The stupider of us is you, Carol, why living if we cannot trust again.”  
-I trusted life learns me otherwise…”  
-There is someone to trust, I’m sure you’ll find someone. You’ll lose nothing more to try. You already think than the life is worthless.”  
-Don’t you think so?”  
-I thought it. When I was in this cell with the only thought that I killed Glenn, those days I wanted to erase myself if I had the opportunity maybe I’ll be dead. But now, a certain person made me rethink the question. I’m still not ok with Glenn’s death but I’m pretty sure he would punch me in the face if I let myself die slowly because of that. Plus Merle would scream I’m a failure before kicking me to a bloody mess. We lose so many friends but we are still here and future matters. I want to see Glenn’s baby, I want to protect it and as long as Paul is here to help, I’ll fight. That’s what we are good for, right? Fighting and surviving…”

Carol and her sad smile... Daryl is a little upset to know she’s going through the same problems he has. She’s so nice, so kind-hearted... He never saw a woman like her, being a mother before anything else. She’s a little clumsy when she decides to leave, not sure if it was because he is almost naked or if it was because of his words but he’ll be looking to see her again, when he’ll be more clothed!

-Did she said that she loves you? Are you sure…”  
-Stop it, she was like a mother to me, I was like a brother to her, nothing more… Truth to be told, we flirt long time ago but it was a game. It helped us to know the other one, to know what we had gone through. Easy and simple! To trust someone again, to feel safe under another hand. I never kiss her and never wanted it. She never tries anything with me beside some pat here and there… Maybe she was waiting for a sign. Maybe! I don't know and I don't want to know. She's a friend. You don’t have to worry about that…”  
-I’m not worried, I’m jealous 'cause I’m not even sure where your sexuality tends to be.”  
-Nowhere. Never wanted one in the first place.”  
-So you’re asexual?”  
-If you say so…”  
-You still want…”  
-Nah, sorry.”  
-No harm was done, we’ve got plenty of time for that.”

Truth to be told, he’s not in the mood anymore. He puts his pants back but doesn’t bother with his shirt. He sits next to the windows, looking to the kids planting some tomatoes and he smiles. Everything is ok, they’ll destroy the Saviors, they’ll avenge Glenn and they’ll keep on living, as they always have done.

-Paul…”  
-Yeah, babe?”  
-You’re ok with me being… you know?” Paul is laughing behind him so he takes a look to the man who’s watching the scheduled he has tomorrow.  
-I love sex babe, but I’m not a bastard. You don’t like it? For all I care, as I said, I can fuck myself really good… Plus you are totally responsive, you’ll enjoy it. I’m not worried in the slightest. Take it easy, babe, I can wait. Did you forgot that you’re intoxicated with me?”  
-Sorry, I forgot you’re a jerk!”  
-Ow, my poor heart is broken, I need mouth-to-mouth, immediately.”  
-Too busy now, gorgeous.”  
-You gonna let me die?”  
-I’m too much busy imagining you fucking yourself in front of me…” He loves Paul’s face and expression as the words go through him. If he wants to play, Daryl can do it too. He smiles when Paul’s eyes are sparkling with amusement.  
-Too virgin-shy for this show babe, it’s NSFD. Not safe for Daryl.”  
-You really are a jerk!”

He’ll go sulking for some minutes because his try is definitely a failure but Paul is already coming toward him. His palms are on his shoulders massaging his skin with tenderness.

-But if you ask nicely, in my great gratitude, I can work on de-shying you, babe. It’ll be a long process, sure, but nothing is impossible.”  
-I hate you.”  
-I know but you just confess to me sex wasn’t your concern, so excuse me if I take extra care with that…”  
-I’m not a girl, you know?”  
-Yeah, I know. If you were, I wouldn’t be here speaking about sex with you.”  
-You’ll be with Norseman?” What? Why did he say that? Is the way this big blond guy smiles to Jesus, is bothering him?  
-Are you jealous? Wow, that’s new! If you were a girl maybe… actually, I’m not sure I can fuck with this guy. But you’re not a girl, so I don’t have to think about that.”  
-Only… fuck?”  
-Yeah, I don’t mind fucking without feelings. I’m not a good guy like you Daryl. I made my mistakes too, I was a cheater… I never wanted to really love someone, never wanted to be exclusive, all of that sucked, I wanted to be free and to try every experience I could. I was a bastard!”  
-When did you know? That guys were…”  
-Just after my first time with a girl. It was what was… normal. And she was nice. You know, mother was catholic, father was a pastor… Jesus was their idea, actually, it’s my second name. But, you know, even if Stefani was kind and all, there was something that didn’t match but I really matched with her big bro. He took me in his gang and all… being a biker was fun, beer was more fun, and making out with him was the best. But the bastard was closeted thus he accused me of harassment and rape when someone caught us and problems had happened. I’m gay but I don’t consider myself as a queer or anything. I’m not proud about it, but I don’t want to hide it either. I just fancy dicks over boobs, not a big problem! After this pussy, I was a real Casanova and I never wanted another girl in my sheets. Today, I want to desire someone more than just a dick, so don’t worry, there is no way I can cheat on you. This cheater guy is dead a long time before the world’s end.”

Being in his arm is comforting, Daryl is lulling as Paul’s hands fondle his hair, he listens to his voice singing some sweet tune… It’s just peaceful, he wishes it can last forever.

-And you, how did you know?"  
-In the biker gang my brother took me in, there were so many parties. It was all about bikes, alcohol, drugs, and sex. Heaven for my brother! There were plenty of moonshine, meth, and girls. The only thing I ever loved in these parties was the moonshine. I tried meth but it was a really bad idea, have made an awful bad trip... it was a nightmare! I never wanted to try the last option, I hated the bleached blond sluts who sold their ass for some easy cash. I never loved someone besides my brother. Anyway, Merle brought me a girl, once. It was really awkward, she sucks me for some… minutes before I got bored and throw her out of the room.”  
-Bored?"  
-Yeah..."  
-I can definitely picture that!" Jesus is hilarious but he's not making fun of him. Maybe it's strange for him since Jesus had a sex-life full of experimentation and one-night-stands, but he doesn't care.  
-I'll make sure you'll enjoy babe."  
-We'll see."

The way Paul is cherishing his face makes him remember his mother. It's really strange to compare Paul to his mother cause they do not look alike. She loved to caress his face when he was sitting on his lap. It’s not painful to think about his mother, even if he cannot remember her very well. Years had passed, he had forgotten her face even her voice, but he can still bring back some memories. Some fragments of her beautiful blonde hair or her fond smile, he can grab some memories about her lagoon eyes too and they look like Jesus’ ones. His lips curl, maybe it’s one of the many reasons he likes it whenever this piercing gaze dives into his soul and why Paul’s eyes are shelters. He'll never say that to the guy, it’ll be too strange to admit!

-Let’s take a walk…”  
-Only if you put a shirt on, this eye candy is only for me.” Paul smiles deviously as his fingers move down to his throat then his pectorals. He can see his mischievous smile and he knows what's going on his mind but he doesn't care when fingertips play with his nipples. He frowns trying to find something pleasing in it but as there is none he pushes the hungry hands with a slap.  
-You know you don’t have a reason to be jealous?”  
-I have, you’re totally ignoring the fact you’re hot, babe.”  
-Don’t worry, the only other guy I speak with is the King! And don't talk about girls or I punch you.”  
-Yeah, a King! It’s really soothing, you know how to reassure your man, babe!”  
-Please, stop with this…”  
-I’m not even a Prince, I’m nothing… Poor me, how can I be enough for you!” His eyes go up in front of the false sobs of Jesus. He knows the guy's goofing with him but maybe there is a real fear here. To see him move with another guy or whatever his friend is imagining, just the thought of it is silly.  
-Shut up or I’m asking Aaron to come and bring me back to Alexandria with him.”  
-You cannot think I’ll let you escape from my arms?”  
-Maybe you’re right, a King is better than a thief, but the said thief had already taken my mind so I don’t care anymore about Kings and all…” And that's the fucking truth. He doesn't want to leave Jesus' side. He may never go back to Alexandria. He can picture himself lives in Hilltop when the war will be over. Sure he'll miss Aaron's presence, but Alexandria is not that far away from preventing him to jump there to see his old friends.  
-Oh my… Are you trying to propose to me, babe?” There are sparkles in his eyes, Jesus tries to suppress his grin in case it was a joke, but it's not and when he understands that joy burst into his eyes.  
-Don’t make me regret that!”  
-There’s no coming back, babe."  
-Ok, then so be it."

For once, he catches Paul off guard, as he claims his mouth in a chaste kiss, the first one he takes the decision to give. He smiles when he opens his eyes on a shocked Paul who's trying to catch his breath.

-Do you want me? Even if I may not be able to like it?"  
-Fuck yeah."  
-Then it's settled. Next time I get lost like that, show me your world. But until then, shall we take a walk? So you can mark your territory in front of everybody, cause there is no way I could let another person than you, touch me without me being really mad."  
-Sure. Hope you're thinking about making out, don't mind watersports but that's not very romantic."  
-Go die now Paul, I'll take a walk with Carol and I'll bring her back all the awful propositions, you offered me."  
-I'm pretty sure she'll split my throat or poison me with some cookies! I'll be a gentleman, I promise!"

They walk hand in hand in the garden for the rest of the day, he doesn't mind anymore to be kissed in front of people, he takes an obvious pleasure when the big blond guy found them backed to a tree, hands over the other's buttocks.


	8. Chapter 8

He hates her! He hates the long and thin girl on the back seat of Jesus’ bicycle. Oh yeah, he hates her so much! Who is she? Why is she embracing him like that? He’s so furious! He speeds up a little to confront her but she just smiles to his face. He’s mad, more than mad and motors behind him roar like his rage. When the gang enters the bar he tries to speak with Jesus about this harpy but she pushes him aside keeping his beloved friend for herself. If Merle hadn’t stop him he would have punch the bitch in the face but his brother is pulling him to the bar to empty some shots. He’s so fucking trashed! He kisses a girl wanting nothing more than Jesus’ attention but the guy is glued to the girl and seems to deny any of his small-talks. Having a girl in a band is always a mess, moreover when one of the guys is in love with the leader. So when he confronts her, Jesus is the first to defend the blond girl from his venomous eyes and words. The gang is too drunk, Merle is punching one of the guys who's saying that his little brother is a queer and everything is just a mess of fits and punches, in which Jesus is the savior of the thin blondie girl wrapped around his neck.  
Fights are good, in this sort of gang it’s the better way to forgive and Merle is now drinking with Peter. Wait, why Merle is wearing a leather jacket with John written on hit? Who cares! Because he’s flirting with a girl to forget that Jesus prefers this girl from nowhere than him. The same said girl who’s now pulling him near Jesus. There is something strange with his pal, and every boy of the clan seems to want a real good fight. Maybe the girl wants them to fight for her but he doesn’t care about the bitch, all he wants is him… But he can’t, he can’t have him because… the bitch is pointing a gun to his face. Will she kill him? Just because he loves a guy? That’s crazy shit! Worst shit, when the gun puts lipstick on him! What the fuck?! He can’t go on looking to all that shit, cause it can’t be real…  
When he opens his eyes, Daryl blinks twice.

-Judas is the demon I cling to…”  
-What the fuck, do you really sing THAT song?” Oh, ok! Daryl sighs, he won’t ask himself why he dreamt about that…  
-Why not?”  
-Fuck you, Paul! That was the worst nightmare I ever had!”  
-Did I was your Jesus?”  
-Fuck… You saw that.”  
-Why did you do that video clip?” Jesus is smiling like an angel which he’s not as he makes him remember this not so glorious memory.  
-I don’t want to speak about that! Oh my god… I thought no one who actually saw that had survived the apocalypse!”  
-Don’t worry, I won’t say it… I’ve made worst, you know. I was actually in an adult movie when I was like… 20! But I’m amazed you kissed some chicks there!”  
-I needed some cash for a new bike and dealing meth wasn’t my cup of tea, so I made some photoshoots. I hated that, but truth to be told, those guys loved my redneck attitude or something like that. Anyway, they paid well. One day I got a call because someone wanted me for this video clip. As it was about being a biker, I accepted and the pay was awfully good too but I didn’t though I’ll be Judas in the first place! Cash is cash, I played my part took the cash and never wanted to remember that! Merle had made fun of me when he finally discovered… I wish I witnessed his face when he saw his little brother on TV kissing girls and all…” He’s almost sure Jesus is regretting to not have seen his photos in some magazines but Daryl is glad because that wasn’t him. He never recognizes himself when he saw them after all the photograph’s work.  
-You were sexy… did you try any other things?” Paul is too close, the way he is looking at him is suspicious so he seats on the mattress and light a cigarette.  
-No, I just needed a break from the group Merle had brought me into. Their way of killing time wasn’t what I wanted to do, their shit about white supremacy and fucking Christian nonsense… I was fed up! Sometimes I wanted to see normal people, you know?”  
-How he was, your brother?”  
-A good brother, well for a Dixon! When he was in prison, Merle was a member of an Arian group. That’s why when he was freed he came back and took me to a wasp gang leaving the old man for his lonely death. He wasn’t a good man, I know. But he was far better than my dad. He couldn’t protect me as he couldn’t even protect himself. He hated it when I needed him. But you know, even if he was mean, in his own way he protected me and loved me. Enough to be ok I chose you.”  
-I regret I hadn’t the chance to meet him…”  
-He would have called you some really bad names.”  
-I don’t mind! I know how to shut those homophobic and racist mouths up. Oh, I forgot! Carol said she will be in the garden all morning if you want to…”  
-Wouldn’t you be jealous?” Daryl smiles to Jesus’ face.  
-No, she cannot fucks herself like me! And I already marked you…” Saying that his mate is suddenly lapping at his neck on the hickey he left yesterday when they made out in bed.  
-Please stop putting Carol and sex in the same sentence! She’s like a mother to me. I really hate you right now!”  
-I’ll find a way to make amends tonight… in bed, babe. But now, I need to go. Jerry wants Morgan and me to teach self-defense to some kids and young adults. After that, I may help to clean the supply room. If you need me…”  
-Don’t worry, I’ll be with her. If anything happens, you’ll know.”

After a shared smile and a languorous kiss, Paul leaves the bed, speaking about a breakfast he prepared for him, then he leaves their room.  
He finds Carol an hour after, in the garden. She’s smiling at the little girls who are braiding her a flower crown. They look at each other for a long moment before he sits next to her. He cannot find a word to let her know how much he missed her.  
It’s a long silence, but it’s not awkward even if he recalls she saw him almost naked. They have so much to say but they cannot find a way to begin. She tries to smooth a brand of his hair awkwardly and they laugh as children because it’s good and that bring back some memories, like when she crawled under his poncho in the prison for the late shift. He mocks her crown saying she will be a queen with Ezekiel and her eyes roll before laughing shyly. Maybe she’s not totally impervious about the guy’s charm.  
They speak about Sophia and Ed, about fallen comrades and of course about Merle and Glenn. It’s nice to listen to her and her friendly voice. It’s past midday when they fall silent, she’s grabbing slowly his hand and tightens it with a lot of love and it’s nice. Nice to have a friend here for him.

-So you two? For real? I saw you when I was speaking with Morgan, groping like teenagers.” She laughs picking his cheek like he was his son. “I always thought you were hetero, good I didn’t try anything with you.”  
-I’m not and I’m not gay. It’s just… It’s him!”  
-You're sure it’s alright after what they have done…”  
-They…”

He cannot finish his sentence, because a farmer girl is humming the song. It’s like a stab in his throat and he cannot speak, cannot breathe. It’s suddenly dark, he’s naked on the concrete floor next to some canned dog food, wallowed in his own excrement, lost in his own thought. He can hear Dwight’s and Negan’s voices and laughs, as they accused him to have killed Glenn. Daryl closes his eyes. He’s still in the shitty cell!

-Daryl?”

The scream coming out of his own throat when she touches him is scary, everyone in the garden is suddenly still and silent, looking to a desperate man, trying to evade his own mind. Carol is scanning the zone, trying to figure what was the cause of her friend’s panic but she didn’t see anything worth the reaction. She won’t leave him alone so her sharp gaze is scanning for Jesus, as she cannot find him, she hauls Daryl on his feet and pull him in his room asking someone to call for Jesus.

-What have they done to you…”

Anger is devouring her, what they have done… she cannot forgive! Killing Glenn and Abraham, torturing Daryl is enough! It means war, it means blood and she is ready to spill it right from Negan's throat. When Jesus opens the door in a fluid movement, she corners his worry. The blue sparkling ocean in his eyes is a chaotic sea, it’s enough for her to know that Daryl is in good hands.

-I’m sorry.”  
-Not your fault, what was happening?”  
-Don’t know, he…” Carol is frowning, little girls were playing, some women were gardening, nothing was aloof apart the song. It was an old tune, she cannot remember very well what it was, she wasn’t paying any attention but that must be it. “A song, did he says anything about that?”  
-Yeah… I’m taking care of that.”

She knows very well what it means because when Jesus grabs Daryl, his eyes are so dark she’s almost pained. But there is some recognition here as her dear friend rush to Jesus’ arms and kisses him bluntly. She’s closing the door behind her when Daryl’s beg and it’s freezing her heart. Now her eyes are solid ice and she runs to the throne room because there is no way they can still breath after that!

-We need to kill them all!” Her cold tone makes Ezekiel startling in her direction. The man is about to speak but she stops him with a glare. “If you’re not helping, you’ll be on their side. When I’ll be in touch with Rick, I’m pretty sure Alexandria will raise in a vengeful mood. Maggie, Sacha and me, we have a really good reason to see them burning in hell. You really don’t want us as your worst nightmare, Ezekiel! So prepare yourself. It’s war!” With that she takes Alexandria’s path with her dear rifle on her shoulder, she needs to speak with Rick!

He never though he’ll use his strength another time against Daryl, but he needs to soothe him. He tightens his grips on the redneck’s wrists trying to gain his focus.

-Just calm down!”  
-I’m… please make them stop.”  
-I know. Keep calm, I’m here, you’re safe. You’ll get better. You’ll fight because I’m pretty sure your Blondie is trying to light a fire and Maggie and Sacha are doing the same in Hilltop. It’s gonna be a war and I’ll kill all that fucking bastards! Every fucking sadist that has laid a hand on you, I will butcher them!”

He really thought he was improving but he’s not healed, he’ll never be. This song will follow him until his death. Under the strength of Jesus, he inspires deeply and closes his eyes. It’s strangely good to feel Paul’s weight atop of him, good to feel his hands grabbing him firmly almost painfully. He can feel all Paul’s anger when he spits his words to the ceiling and it’s turning him on, he opens his thighs pressing his crotch to Paul’s gathering his attention.

-Fuck me. Want to feel… want to feel you and after that, I’ll need some training. I’ll need to come back because there is no way you’re gonna go kill them without me. Maybe I’ll heal when I’ll see their dead bodies. But for now… fuck me.”

Paul can be mad later! For now, he’s looking into Daryl’s eyes and he saw him, the wild and cold survivor he meets long before when they fought for this fucking truck… when they imprison him in Alexandria leaving him to Daryl’s only surveillance. He’s aroused when he thinks about his false unconsciousness, bumping on Daryl’s shoulder was a good thing to do, he wanted the guy, even if it was just a fling, but he discovers more, more to convoy, more to love…  
He lifts him into his arms to urge him to the bed. This body… Daryl’s body calls for him, it vibrates to each of his touch. Daryl is back because he’s not the passive dog they destroyed and raised, he’s wild and eager to learn, to discover with him. His pal is now undressing him with an assured look, it’s still too soon to make puny comments or moves and frankly even if they love to take everything with smiles and bad jokes, he wants more this time. He wants to takes his sweet time and prove to Daryl that sex can be a real good bond. He can’t stop speaking to Daryl, saying what he’ll do or what he wants, because if the Saviors have done worse than beating and torturing him mentally, Daryl wouldn’t be the guy to say so.  
But Daryl is relaxed in his arms, he trusts him in every move, every step and he’s not shying away. If he had thought of him as a poor virgin ass, he’s definitely not and his dominant side is searching for his dick as soon as they lay completely naked. To hide his smile, he goes down Daryl pectorals to kiss his sensitive skin because he remembers very well the boring first fellatio story and he wants to change that. His mate shakes like a leaf when his tongue meets the pulsing skin of his shaft, Daryl’s back is arching as the guy says some slurs.  
He needs to not forget Daryl isn’t a sub, even if he is now bottoming, nothing is pliant or even passive in his moves. He remembers it perfectly when his mate’s hands grab his head and hair pushing his shaft into his mouth. Being patient is not one of his best traits, but that’s ok, he’ll toy with him another time! He’s a little annoyed nonetheless, he hadn’t the time to lick a little more his reddening and wanting glans. He’s sure as fuck lucky to have a throat made for this because Daryl is losing himself in the pleasure and uses him without noticing it. He’s far, too far to care but that’s ok, Paul likes it a little rough and hasty, so he hums his pleasure. He’s startled when Daryl cries his name and spills into his mouth without a warning. Sure he should have known it was a little too much for a first but he can’t stop laughing as he wipes out his lips.

-Fuck sorry…”  
-Don’t be, I’m glad it wasn’t boring this time. If you’re an asexual, babe, I must be the real Sav… I mean… I must be a god!”  
-In bed maybe.No God would be a fucking damn nuisance like you and still so hot…”  
-I’m honored, now relax, I’ll let you find how hot I can be.”

They share the same liking. He tries not to smile to Daryl’s face when the guy is fed up about his slow movements and pushes on his fingers trying to lead the digits deepest. Daryl is frowning when Paul accedes to his silent request brushing his prostate as he kisses him bluntly. Ok, in bed Daryl doesn’t want to be treated with too much care, he can understand it, so he moves a little faster while he lubes himself.

-Just, say it if it’s uncomfortable.”  
-Yeah, yeah, I’m not a girl, go now!”

If he asks for it, Jesus presses against his hole and pushes into it in a long movement, keeping eyes contact with the redneck. Daryl swears when he breaches in the hot skin but he never tenses nor indicates any pain, so he tries to move slowly for now because Daryl is almost painfully tight and he doesn’t want to come too fast. He wants Daryl to enjoy himself until he forgets the shit they live in. When his lover is more relaxed, he grabs his butt and smiles as Daryl moans into his thrusts. This wild man in the sheets is his and Paul will do anything he can to keep him on his side till the world demise. For now, he increases his movements 'till Daryl is nothing more than a greedy dominant who’s impaling himself on his dick with a fucking sublime smile.  
Daryl is deeply lost in the pleasure when he shouts his name because the discreet guy is definitely gone and neighbors and people walking past their door must have heard him, but who cares? Certainly not Jesus, plus his mate explodes in a superb orgasm capturing Paul’s full attention. The pleasure between Daryl's thighs is intense so he pushes fast and deep in his mate and spills all his pleasure deep inside of him.

-Fuck… next time, I’ll drink that! It’s gonna get messy.”  
-That’s all you have to say, after a good sex session?”  
-What? You want me to cuddle and recite some verses to you?”  
-You know how to spoil the mood, babe.”  
-Ok, it was fucking good and I don’t mind doing it as a bottom another time, but…”  
-Not inside, I’ve got it, babe!”

Paul stretches out in the bed next to Daryl who’s cleaning the mess he shots on his torso.

-Babe?”  
-Yeah?”  
-Love you.”  
-Yeah, I know. Makes some place, gorgeous. After all, I want to cuddle.”  
-Sure. When war will be finished, where you want to live? We can stay here or go back to Alexandria or Hilltop. I don’t mind, as long as we go together.”  
-We’ll see...”

Daryl can now face the grave in front of him. Hershel’s watch shines under the sun, it shouldn’t, not after what they all have lost. He kneels down and takes off the cross because he engraved another, much more worthy of the guy laying under the dirt. When the cross was shoved, he scrubs the letters he inscribed there for his lost friend. The watch takes his place next to Glenn’s name and he smiles because he manages to forgive himself.

-Rest in peace my friend, I’ll take care of Maggie and the unborn.”

He stands still, looking to Maggie and her reaction about his work, as she smiles sadly, fondling the name he engraved with all his skills he turns back to the other side of the cemetery because he has another cross to put. He’s almost crying when he sees the newest grave. Silently he sinks his work into the loose soil they just finished to seal. This war was a massacre, for the Saviors of course, but for them too. Too much people had pay the price of this, whatever it is because it’s not peace! Sure he can understand Rick's point of view, but he cannot forgive. He’s not wise enough not after all the blood, all the deaths and his own experience with the Saviors. Sure some of them deserve to breathe as the choose their side but others needed to be dead. He hopes Rick is right and one day, his action will prove he was right. Until then he cannot go back to Alexandria fearing what he can do as an act of revenge, even to Rick!

-I’m sorry…”  
-He’ll love it.”

Aaron's blue eyes follow his every moves when he hangs a token for the person buried here.

-I think I’ll stay here for a while. Now, my life is to keep Maggie safe and looking for Glenn’s baby to grow wherever we’ll go.”  
-So we’ll have the same wish.”  
-Friends forever…”  
-Fuck yeah.”  
-My… my… Do I need to get jealous and mark my territory again?”  
-Yeah, I’m gonna get trashed with Aaron tonight, we’ll raise our glass to fallen comrades, will you come?”  
-Sure… I didn’t know him very well, but if what you two have said about him is at least half-true he was a good man, friend, and lover. Let the winds take Eric and the other dearest souls. Since the horizon is his new home, we’ll let him go somewhere more peaceful, till we meet again. As there are pains that only cry inside our hearts, we’ll keep an indelible trace of you, dear friend. Until we can meet again, you can go and we can let you go.”  
-Thank you, Paul.”  
-Daryl’s friends are mine. When you’ll get better, when you’ll be healed, if you want a piece of him, please, let me know, I want to join too.”

Aaron smiles when Daryl groans, smacking his lover’s head as he speaks about their possible threesome. 

-You see, I’ve said it. He’s a fucking pervert!”  
-Maybe, but love is too precious in this world, so keep him close Daryl.”  
-I will! I won’t let that dickhead get hurt or lost, because without me he’ll be dead of stupidity.”  
-You’re mean, babe.”  
-Yeah, yeah I know. But don’t try to do something dumb and risky like that again. You may be a slithering ninja but seeing you as a funambulist today was the worst experience of my life!”  
-Promise. But you know I’m Jesus! I won’t die, not before you do!”  
-Good because I won’t before you do.”  
-You’re so cute together, like Romeo and… Romeo.”  
-What? No way! Don’t encourage him, Aaron! He’ll go crazy with poetry or theatre!”  
-We are babe… Give me my Romeo and, when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine. That all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun… I fucking love you, babe.”

Daryl's eyes go up as he turns his back to his lover. He sighs, looking to Eric’s grave, then to Aaron who’s smiling tenderly. He was sure the guy would be dead inside after looking helplessly his soulmate dying in his arms, but he manages to go on. Aaron says he can go on living because he loved Eric more than his life. Because love never vanishes nor faints, it becomes a weapon to keep on living, to remember the best and one day, to forget about the worse. Aaron accepts that life isn’t lasting as long as love, moreover in this world, but he’ll never regret his feeling for Eric as it’s those feelings that help him to live without his lover.  
His right-hand slides in his messy hair when he turns back to Paul. The gold-brown haired man is startled by his look and fear grows in Jesus’ throat but Daryl is fine and he smiles reassuring his mate.

-Love you, Gorgeous. So shut up… I’ll go get the drinks.”  
-So shy and so cute…”  
-That was cute, yeah. Babe, you are reddening!”  
-Shut up you two!”  
-Lovebirds!”

Aaron laughs to his ice-cold glare and Daryl breaks into a laugh too because he knows Aaron is mocking him. After all, he is his new best friend since Glenn’s death and Rick’s decision to keep Negan’s alive.

-Oh, come on! Two against one, that’s not fair Aaron.”  
-I’m glad you’ve got someone to yourself, Daryl. You worth it, plus Jesus is a good guy, you can’t find someone better than him, he cares a lot.”  
-I know. Thanks, Aaron.”  
-I’ll take some snacks, Eric loved Carol’s cookies, but as she is the new Queen of the kingdom, it’ll be my cookies and they are not as good as hers. But they’ll do!”

People are dead, yeah, they need to keep going on for them. He hopes he’ll be invited to Carol’s and Ezekiel’s wedding. He doesn’t like to go in the Kingdom anymore, he hates to see the empty cage. He hates he misses Shiva like that… but she has done her part in the war, she saved her dearest one and he’ll do the same even it means death. But not now, he has a promise to keep to the guy who’s walking behind him speaking about things he doesn’t care, like how is supposed to be a Queen and King's wedding! Yeah, Daryl can’t die before him!


End file.
